last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
