He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
