Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
