Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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