Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
