i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
