yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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