I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
