Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
