I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Me too!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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