His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
