Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
