why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
