I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
