Umm I'm too high to move.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
