I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
