I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
