she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
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