There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
