i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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