im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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