Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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