you have to choose: penises or morals?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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