Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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