Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
