1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize