when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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