I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize