How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
