Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
