My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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