I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
