awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
