When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
