i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We need to rekindle our bromance
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
