Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
