You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
