we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
