I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
