Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
