Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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