I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Randomize
