Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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