"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
