I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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