I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
