How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
