Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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