dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
