the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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