Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
