Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
