I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize