and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
