The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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