My friends, they love my intelligence
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
