Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
