she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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