stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
