Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
