when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
