Moan for me like Helen Keller
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
