Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize