I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Randomize
