so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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