Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
