I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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