There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
