Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
