Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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