I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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