i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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